Crazy Times!

I was starting to have a regular routine, night shift was beginning to not feel so completely weird, I was meeting with friends, going to bible study, enjoying "regular life"... then March started... what a month this has already been!!

The month started off with a Valpo visitor! It was so great to catch up with Tyler, as well as show off my new town.

 

Me and Tyler in Fenway

The roommates (Laura and Carrie) with Tyler at 10 Tables

It was an exhausting weekend as we did everything we could in the city! It was gr

eat as we did a lot of things that I already knew, but we also tried some new things including going to the top of the prudential building, Ten Tables (a new restaurant in Harvard Sq), and walking around Fenway! Showing off Boston made me really excited for warmer months and some of the activities that will be available once winter is over! (yay Red Sox/Yankees in June!)

Tyler left, I worked 4 days, then I headed to INDIANAPOLIS!

My sorority sister, and good friend

 Jen was getting married! It was awesome to be able to celebrate with her on such an exciting day. it was really fun to be back in the midwest, with a bunch of Kappas and other Valpo friends! 

me and Katie with the programs                             Kappas at the wedding!!

  

me and my big! Sunshine love!

Wedding!

the beautiful bride!

Final Exam

Going into health care we dream about saving lives, but we never count on how much death becomes a part of our work.

While struggling with the reality of suffering, death, and nursing, I've realized that so much of nursing is based on caring. It becomes so easy to get wrapped up in all the medical care you are supposed to give and make sure your patients receive, however what is the most needed is someone to listen, to squeeze their hand, to rub their back, to tuck them in. I'm still struggling with the fact that working on an adult oncology unit means that I am not healing people. I'm helping them fulfill their hopes and dreams (sometimes this means getting stronger, heading home, and sometimes this means dying pain free with loved ones nearby)

My roommate recommended to me a book by Pauline Chen, a physician and writer (you can read her weekly articles in the NY Times), entitled Final Exam. I was so excited to read this book as the description seemed to touch on exactly what I was trying hard to understand and articulate. I just finished the book this morning and feel a sense of relief in realizing that other people struggle with these same issues and that there are lessons to be learned, and the hope of becoming a great nurse and a caring person is an achievable goal even when the prognosis of the disease is not good. 

I was touched by these words in her final chapter: A friend once said to me "We are in the business of suffering". Most of us are drawn to medicine because we want to ease that suffering, but we forget over time that it encompasses more than just diseases and their symptoms. 

What is more significant for our patients, particularly those at the end of life, is the suffering which results from a loss of meaning and purpose. This suffering is profound, but it is NOT hopeless. We physicians can address it by being present for our patients, by giving weight to their experience, and by becoming the kind of doctors we have always wanted to be. 

Struggling

These past few weeks I have been frustrated and confused with myself. 

My body is always tired, I'm never awake when others are, and I just feel a little "off" on this whole real life thing... taxes, bills, asking for vacation days... not quite as straight forward as you would hope!

I've opened up in more detail about my fears/anxiety/concerns with some friends and their responses have been incredible. Loneliness is sure hard to keep feeling when you have friends like mine! I thank God for this reminder of his love.

I have been learning about the necessity of sharing life with others. I hate telling people that Boston isn't going absolutely fantastically, but when I admit to my real emotions I have seen that that is when God is able to use me the most, and that is when he is most glorified- in my weakness. (Which I guess is why Paul writes that!!) 

I'm just starting a study of 1st and 2nd Thessalonians with a new friend and have been learning about our need to turn, serve and wait on the Lord. It is the perfect study for this time in my life as I need to be reminded about how to live waiting for Christ's return! (I'm obsessed with 1:3 and the way work, labor and endurance are discussed) 

Although its not from Thessalonians, I have been clinging to this verse from John lately:  

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

God has really been pounding it into me that I need to cling to him and keep trusting that his timing, and plans are perfect. Sounds easy enough, right?!

While this is a little daunting to post to the world, I wanted to be open about what is currently happening in my life, and give you a glimpse into the awesomeness of our Lord! 

I hope that you are also being challenged and stretched in your faith and that God gives you reminders of his faithfulness this week. 

Superbowl Sunday!

1 week as a full fledged nurse has passed. I did alright throughout the four nights I worked-moments of overwhelming feelings, uncertainty on procedures, and fear that I was doing something wrong were coupled with times of certainty in my actions, pride in what was accomplished, and love for all of our patients. What an amazingly emotional week! 

this weekend I got to celebrate my accomplishment! Drew and I got together yesterday and spent the day skiing! I signed up for Zip Car (its kind of like renting a car, but the cars are parked all over the city!) so I reserved my first car and headed into New Hampshire! We drove up to Jackson, NH and skied Wildcat Mt. in the national forest. it was BEAUTIFUL and although i felt the pain of having not skied in awhile- the day couldn't have been much better. Today I'm being lazy after church and anticipating a great night of football! GO STEELERS! 

January

working nights really throws off my perception of days, weeks, and time. I can't believe that we are already at Inauguration day!! 

I am in my last week of orientation! Some days I feel completely capable and other nights I feel way out of my league. I am thankful for my coworkers and know that I will be encouraged and assisted well after orientation is over. 

We have had some incredible days out here in Boston. Lots of snow and cold days have made it feel like winter! Slipping and sliding along the streets has been fun and I have been enjoying my time in the city. In the snow, I've gotten to explore the Museum of Science, walk along the esplanade, and enjoy the beauty of Boston.

We had an amazing MLK day up here at King's alma mater, BU, yesterday! Paul Farmer of Partners in Health was the keynote speaker and did a good job reminding us of what MLK was about while making ties to president-elect Obama. I'm thankful that I could be there on the eve of such a big day in American history!

As changes take place in DC and the United States, I'll be taking on my new role as a nurse without a preceptor! I'm also figuring out how to work night shift and keep getting my groceries, and making friends during "normal hours". I'm glad the weeks are going by quickly, but I'm also hoping that they slow down a little bit and that I can enjoy each day and take the opportunities that present themselves!

2009

wow. 2009. we made it! i cannot believe how quickly 2008 went and how much has happened since 1/1/08! 

I also can't believe that i have been working for a month already! Today was my last day on the day shift, i switch to my real shift, nights, on sunday! i'm interested to see how working nights goes but am looking forward to being another step closer to being on my own. It's been good to learn all the different aspects of hospital care

It has been interesting to work through the holiday season. I was able to work both Christmas eve and Christmas day. Being in the hospital made it feel a lot less 'holiday-ish' but it was also neat to be able to share some love with those that were not where they wanted to be to celebrate the holiday. it also made flying home Christmas night much more exciting!

the New Year started with old and new friends getting together to celebrate plus working a shift on New Years day! 

Looking back at the past year I'm amazed by what God has done, and I'm so excited to see what he will do! 2009 is sure to be a year of new experiences, unexpected events, and opportunities to see God at work. Can't wait!

I have officially been on the unit for 1 week! and been at Youville for almost 3. It is crazy how quickly the time passes.

the first week and a half of hospital orientation was good, but boring as we sat in a classroom all day and i tried to adjust to sitting for so long. Now i'm adjusting to standing all day, and I have to say- my feet are very tired!!

over the past couple weeks, I have gotten to know the CNA's, transports, and other employees- it is so fun to walk down the hall and have people call hello! Its starting to feel natural to be at Youville and its also starting to be fun. I know my way around 2West and can find the things I"m looking for. I have also helped other people find what they need!

I have also been getting to know the patients.

My favorite patient is a man with an open stoma in his neck (he cannot talk) he is very expressive and writes on a white board. I have worked with him several times, but today i stopped in just to say hi. He asked me about my christmas plans and i was able to tell him about my parents living in Japan. I have never seen someone get excited like he did! it was incredible to see his entire body light up! It turns out he has studied the Japanese alphabets and loves the language. I wrote up some papers for him to 'de-code' and everyone could see how excited he was. He couldn't wait to get at those papers and figure them all out!

I have another patient who is dying from cancer of the tongue/throat. She and her husband have been married 65 years and I feel like i'm watching a movie when i talk with him. They often nap together, her in the hospital bed, him in a chair next to it, holding hands. When you ask him what he did for a living he replies that he loved his wife. He is so eager to help and so good at anticipating her needs, that I have very little to do for her.

Its moments like these that I am so thankful for my job. While these situations did not occur because of my advanced knowledge, or nursing skills, working in a hospital allows you to enter people's lives in such a unique way. I know that these people I'm working with are dramatically touching my life

In my spare time, I'm also seeing more of Boston. Recently, I have travelled the Freedom Trail, shopped the pastry shops of the North End, eaten on Newbury St., hung out in the commons, run a 5k in Somerville, and officially joined a gym! Life seems to be going full-pace and I see no sign of slowing down... I will be working my first holiday on both Christmas Eve and Christmas day, but got enough time in between days to visit home in North Carolina and see the whole family! 

I've also been celebrating Advent, and I have to say, I am anticipating so much this year! Snow, family, traveling... I have come to understand the idea of anticipation much more completely! I can not wait to celebrate the biggest anticipation: the birth of the Messiah!! what an exciting time of year this truly is!